Divorce can really do serious heart damage and many couples who go through it take a while to heal. It is important to grieve the loss of a beautiful marriage. drain it all out of your system and then when you are ready you can start the journey again. Dating after divorce can feel a bit odd but you can go through it. Start dating when you are ready. This is when you no longer think about your ex or you are not bothered about the timing.
Go by your feelings, not the calendar
Some people are ready to date after 2 months; others may need years. Don’t rush. It’s important to experience the emotions associated with divorce.
Give yourself “a little time to think, a little time to grieve, a little opportunity to find someone else,” Sills says.
The ex factor
If you’re still thinking about what your ex is doing or whom he’s dating, you’re too distracted to begin a healthy relationship.
“Some people date and even marry to try to prove something to an ex,” says Edward M. Tauber, PhD, a California-based divorce counselor and co-author of Find the Right One After Divorce. “You wouldn’t date somebody who’s still tangled up with an ex emotionally. Why offer that to somebody else?”
Even though you know what dating is, the truth is that you have not been in the game for a while and therefore you will be anxious. You will need to know what to do and what not to do so that your first date gives you a second date.
Become one with the church mouse. Women like to communicate, and I’ll be the first to admit we do it well. On a first date, it’s important to you show your date that what he has to say is important to you. No matter how well you communicate, the first date is for listening. The more you listen, the more knowledge you will gain — which helps to decide if there will be a second date.
It’s a date, not a therapy session. Don’t reveal too much, especially about past relationships. Selective is the keyword when discussing your past. If the subject of your divorce comes up, keep it brief and steer the conversation back to the present. Be open and honest, but don’t spill your guts until you are sure he is ready to hear the gory details. (Or, that he is someone you even want to share those details with.)
If you have kids then you will have to talk to them about you starting to date again. Do not bring your date home until they show that they are serious and committed to you. Always let your kids know that they come first even if you are dating.
Dating After Divorce: Talk to Your Kids
If you have children at home, dating after divorce can be a difficult thing to juggle. Remember that you’re now their model for what dating looks like, so move forward carefully and intentionally once you do start dating. Talk to your kids about how they’re feeling, let them know that you’re going on dates, and be very selective and careful about when your young’uns get to meet your new significant other. It’s usually best to keep dates out of sight until there’s a bit of commitment in order to keep kids from feeling anxious or overwhelmed by frequent introductions. Make sure you carve out intentional time with your children; physically and verbally demonstrate that they will always be your priority and that your new dating life will not threaten the way you feel about them.